Get Her Back

All you need to know to get her back, if you're sure you want to

So it went like this: She broke up with you. She said bye, thanks for everything. You were a great guy and all that. You can keep the T-shirt I gave you. Sayonara.

Or maybe she took back the shirt-but you ended up with all the regret. No matter what happened, after a few weeks you end up a total wreck. You end up drinking beer all day and watching crappy midday shows. You start having second thoughts or you sure as hell wish she is. You miss her. Her smile, the way she smells. The sex. All is gone.

Almost all of us at some point in life have experienced being alone so very suddenly. It's a terrible feeling, falling into an abyss of pizzas and sitting around doing nothing but mope. But, do you want her back? If so, stop moping and read on. Even though she has closed the door, she just might have left a window open.

What do you really want?

Is it her you miss? The regular sex? Or you just don't want her going out with someone else? To win your ex back only the purest of reasons will do. Can you look yourself in the eye and say it's her smile, the way she laughs, and her cooking that you can't live without? Al-righty, then.

Assess the damage.

Did the two of you just fade as the time passes? Or did you end up like a bunch of gorillas fighting over food? Strangely enough the latter has a chance for a part 2. If you broke up because love faded, the relationship will be harder to unfade. But if you left things hot, the coal might still be red, you just need to blow.

Another thing you should think of is whether you broke up due to a specific circumstance, such as a new job, or by differences.("I just realized I don't like you.") Mull over the last days you spent together, then...

Delete, erase, and double delete her number.

Do not call. And call. And call again. Men make this mistake a lot. Get a grip, man! You'll have a clearer sense of what you want, also can she, if you both take a breather. If you don't communicate with each other completely for a while, you'll find out what she really means to you. You'll be more sure if you really want her back.

Even more important is to get your ex to feel your gone. Let her experience not having you around and its impact. Sounds good does it not? Let her suffer through terrible blind dates, bad home movies, and hours alone sipping coffee as the mailbox gets full and her roof is still leaky.

Well, not exactly. Your giving her time to compare the before and the after. Time and distance is good as wit will help you realize that getting back together is not a response from loneliness, but a mature and grown-up choice. It may take a little time, maybe even a lot of time. Maybe even a year.

Put away your wallet.

When the time is right to finally do something else than wait, what's your move? Definitely not the flashy take me back. Forget buying her a dishwasher, or a submarine. All that does is show you're desperate. It's better if you try something simple. Try a rose-1 not 1 million- as an invitation to talk again, maybe coffee, nothing to flashy, and please nothing sexual. Talking might just be the only thing you need.

No sniveling.

What women never put on their list of most romantic things is pleading, it won't even reach the top 1ooo. This is a horrible approach. You trying begging her back, giving her flowers, chocolates, and then calling her every night. Then you see her the next day with her new boyfriend eating the chocos you gave her. You're pathetically attainable, she won't be interested.

Campaigning is unconvincing. It presents no evidence of promise, commitment and understanding, those are what she wants before she'll ever take you back. Don't just tell her what she wants to hear; explain yourself. You just might talk yourself out of it.

Do not be her new best friend!

Unless you want to start hearing about her sex life with her new man. Don't accept invitations for drinks or anything, and don't engage in hours of conversation on the phone with her. You may feel that being with her that way is better than nothing. You're wrong. You're into a world of hurt.

The best way for making the ex reconsider date or nothing. If she tries the f-word on you(I mean friend by the f) say it's either you're a couple or not. Tell her you don't want to hang out drinking coffee together pretending you don't feel for her. You have to back of from her so she'll change from being the pursued to the pursuer. If she wants what she can't have she'll be back. But if you let her see you as a buddy you'll never be her lover again. Being a friend with your ex is never an option. It'll hurt like hell if she doesn't come back, but it'll sure hurt more seeing her going out with other men.